 8/17/2006 | Dementia II I'm supposed to go to dinner/movie tomorrow tonight (Thurs) with Mat. I haven't really gone on a "date" date in a long time with him. We'll see how it goes. Actually, I haven't been talking to him all that much lately. We used to talk every day. It got old. We had nothing to talk about, but he would insist we need to call each other (during which he would proceed to watch tv and not hear anything I said). So, for the past month or two I have stopped calling him altogether, and now we only talk once or twice a week. I have really been ignoring him lately, becasue he's been getting on my nerves. I don't know if I'm ready to "end it" yet though. I think I analyze it too much. I was all ready to a couple weeks ago (before I started the blog), but I really wanted to go to the PostSecret exhibit so we went, then it seemed weird to hang out and THEN break up, then we went back to his apt and as I was about to say it he started talking about how much our relationsip means to him, and blah blah blah. So of course I couldn't do it. Then, I changed my mind and haven't tried it again. I think, if I am not sure about this by now, I should probably just end it. Get it over with. But he really is my best friend :( I don't want to not be friends with him, but if I break up with him then that will be it. But if I don't, then I'm wasting my youth on a guy I will break up with, and will end up old and wrinkly and alone. I think I am coming to the realization that i do not want to marry him (or do I???). Everyone says that when you know, you know.. but I know sometimes, and don't know other times. Guess this means I really don't know, and should go through with it (not tomorrow though). I'm sure I'll be using this blog to analyze this later :( I never said I wasn't neurotic. Or demented. >< // posted by Sasha @ 8/17/2006 01:36:00 AM 
Comments: I feel I was in a similar place as you about a year ago now. I'm beginning to think that all that talk about "you'll know," and "it'll be perfect," "you'll feel it" is just said to make you feel crappy about YOUR relationship and makes those saying it feel better about theirs. People talk about the "work" in relationships but never say exactly what "work" is. I didn't leave Mike because a wise lady said "If there is any doubt in your mind that you're making the wrong decision, then don't do it. You'll regret it only because a small part of you had doubts about it in the first place." I was confused about if I wanted him more (marriage) or I wanted to be free. Though sadly, only you can answer that for yourself. That's "the work" I guess. # posted by  : 8/17/2006 11:25 AM
I don't think I was made for marriage. Somehow, I can't picture myself in 10 years happily married and with a bunch of kids. LOL I've always wanted to live on my own and have my independance until I was like... 30. THEN I'd think about commitment. Is there really a feeling of having found "the one" for you? I think nobody is 100% sure if they are in a relationship with the right person. Marriage is such a big deal that everybody has doubts about it. Think: do you think you could really be with Mat 24/7 for the rest of your life? # posted by  algelic : 8/17/2006 3:41 PM
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 Currently "workin' for the man," getting my Master's, and attempting to lead a happy life. Dating Matteo (going on 4 years)! Trying to figure out my life as I am coming of age and becoming an adult. I like... the unexpected. I like outdoor sports like cycling, hiking, canoeing, and rock climbing. I do yoga. I'm a vegetarian (10+ years). I love computers & webdesign... I'm a web developer at the moment ^_^ I love to read, ask me for recommendations! I'm an "artiste," I love to draw and paint (portraits are my favorite). Like to knit, cook, etc. I love traveling. I'm friendly, I swear! Email: lovesasha_AT_inbox.com AIM: LovePeaceSasha my "official" profile RECENT POSTS
ARCHIVES LAYOUT INFO The picture featured in my layout is drawn by the artist Toko Ohmori. 
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