 7/30/2006 | Or Lack Thereof I made Mat go biking with me yesterday. Acutally, we had fun, even though my left eye started rejecting my (old) contact lens and secreting pus. Gross! One frantic call to the eye doctor later, it turned out that I didn't have an eye infection and my eyes were ok to wear contacts today. I went to the Jersey shore today with Mat, Anna, and Tim. Also had a lot of fun. What is wrong with me??????????? One day I decide I can't stand Mat anymore and I have to break it off. The next? I am having fun and deciding it isn't so bad - that's it almost like it used to be, and I'm crazy for wanting to break up with him. I wish I knew what I wanted. So what do I want?? I want to have someone different than Mat. I want someone who is more assertive, a bit scholarly/career-minded, not so socially awkward. Someone who I think is dead sexy and can't keep my hands off of (has the attraction to Mat waned? yes). But I also want someone who loves me like Mat does, and can be my best friend like Mat. Why does everything have to conflict with each other??????? There are some qualities of his that make me DESPISE him. Others make me love him. I really, really want to cry. I can't figure out if I'm wasting my time, or what will happen. I'm afraid that breaking up with him would be the biggest mistake of my life. It's not exactly like I have so many other prospects! So I'll break up with him and date NOBODY, since I don't know anyone I'd like to go out with. Most of my friends are friends with him, so meeting someone in a social situation with them would be AWKWARD as HELL. But staying with him - would I just come to resent him more and more and make things even worse????? waste more time and destroy our lives when we finally break up? // posted by Sasha @ 7/30/2006 11:39:00 PM 
Comments: Wow. Scary eye moment! I can relate with you on the undecided emotions part. I've been the same way. 1 day I think we have nowhere to go, the next I assure myself I'm just crazy. I wish I could help you out with this, I'm pretty lost in it myself =T. It's so crazy to read that someone else is in the same situation as me. # posted by  : 7/31/2006 3:27 PM
It's so reassuring to know that someone else has the same problem! Everyone I know is so "sure" about their decisions, I feel like I can't tell anyone :( I kept telling myself that I would break up with him by Valentine's day, spring break, graduation, before I started work... but I kept changing my mind. Which makes me resent him, and then makes things worse. ackkk! # posted by  Sasha : 7/31/2006 11:02 PM
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 Currently "workin' for the man," getting my Master's, and attempting to lead a happy life. Dating Matteo (going on 4 years)! Trying to figure out my life as I am coming of age and becoming an adult. I like... the unexpected. I like outdoor sports like cycling, hiking, canoeing, and rock climbing. I do yoga. I'm a vegetarian (10+ years). I love computers & webdesign... I'm a web developer at the moment ^_^ I love to read, ask me for recommendations! I'm an "artiste," I love to draw and paint (portraits are my favorite). Like to knit, cook, etc. I love traveling. I'm friendly, I swear! Email: lovesasha_AT_inbox.com AIM: LovePeaceSasha my "official" profile RECENT POSTS ARCHIVES LAYOUT INFO The picture featured in my layout is drawn by the artist Toko Ohmori. 
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